It is important to remember that an eating disorder is not a diet- it is an illness. Someone who hates themselves, hates the way they look, feels unfit to show themselves in public, feels disgust and shame at the natural cravings of their human body, no longer has the perspective to see what they really look like, place little to no value on things outside of their weight and food, and live in constant pain, suffering from chronic cold, poor circulation, dizziness, fatigue and mental sluggishness, did not choose this life. It starts with a diet, but no one imagines looking a year down the line and seeing someone they don't even recognise. An eating disorder is not a choice- it is a leech. It sticks to you, sucking everything from you, mind and body until you have nothing left.
So here's the thing with Eating Disorders. They don't want to be discovered. They want to hide in the corners of your mind, taunting you, whispering to you, judging you, dictating to you, and, most importantly, making sure you keep their secret- because once that secret gets out there is no going back.
I’m not designed to spend long periods of time in a Toyota Yaris. So anytime I don’t have to drive, I jump at the opportunity to get the train- the luxury! Air conditioning! Plug sockets! Goes nowhere near the M50! Park up at the train station, pay for parking via an app, two or three clicks, boom. Put the feet up (unless you’re told to take them down, then you wait and put them up again), headphones on, get a bit of work done, maybe- more time to watch crap online later- and arrive at Heuston in a state of total bliss. Get a Butler’s coffee, enjoy your free chocolate, yum.