It is important to remember that an eating disorder is not a diet- it is an illness. Someone who hates themselves, hates the way they look, feels unfit to show themselves in public, feels disgust and shame at the natural cravings of their human body, no longer has the perspective to see what they really look like, place little to no value on things outside of their weight and food, and live in constant pain, suffering from chronic cold, poor circulation, dizziness, fatigue and mental sluggishness, did not choose this life. It starts with a diet, but no one imagines looking a year down the line and seeing someone they don't even recognise. An eating disorder is not a choice- it is a leech. It sticks to you, sucking everything from you, mind and body until you have nothing left.
So here's the thing with Eating Disorders. They don't want to be discovered. They want to hide in the corners of your mind, taunting you, whispering to you, judging you, dictating to you, and, most importantly, making sure you keep their secret- because once that secret gets out there is no going back.
I am Clodagh.
I am a yogi, an entrepreneur, a feminist, a teacher and a writer.
I am pro-choice, pro-democracy and pro-pineapple on pizza.
I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a niece and a cousin, a friend and a confidant.
I am a gym lover; a squatting, lifting, running, jumping, pushing, pulling, fitness freak.
I like the smell of old books, good Rioja, the thrum of jazz, incense and fairy lights.
I am many things. One of which, is an Anorexic.