Can you be surprised by the fact that you have an eating disorder? Can you be surprised by the fact that despite having had two eating-disorder unit admissions, you have relapsed? Yes. Yes you can. And it’s shit.
It is important to remember that an eating disorder is not a diet- it is an illness. Someone who hates themselves, hates the way they look, feels unfit to show themselves in public, feels disgust and shame at the natural cravings of their human body, no longer has the perspective to see what they really look like, place little to no value on things outside of their weight and food, and live in constant pain, suffering from chronic cold, poor circulation, dizziness, fatigue and mental sluggishness, did not choose this life. It starts with a diet, but no one imagines looking a year down the line and seeing someone they don't even recognise. An eating disorder is not a choice- it is a leech. It sticks to you, sucking everything from you, mind and body until you have nothing left.
One of the magical powers all those who suffer with an eating disorder possess is that we genuinely believe we are different to everyone else. Not in a superior way, but in some way we are just not like other people. Other people need to eat. Other people would get sick and die if they didn't eat, but we're just not like that. We're different.
Ok, so first of all, what the hell is matcha?
Essentially, matcha is green tea, however, it’s not processed, prepared or drank in the way normal tea would be. Rather than the tea leaves being diced, put in a bag (or kept loose), stewed and removed from the water, matcha is kept whole and you consume the entire leaf. The leaf, or just the tips of the leaves in the highest quality products, are ground into an extremely fine powder with a consistency not too dissimilar to cacao powder. This powder is then mixed with water and consumed entirely. It can be drank cold, added to a bottle of water and shaken up or prepared with boiling water and drank as a hot tea drink