The friends you make in hospital, if you do make a true friend, are the sort of people that will stay with you for life. They are people that have been by your side through the darkest of days. They are the people you soldiered with, that you battled in the trenches of life with and fought for survival every day with. They picked you up when you faltered, and you them, you supported one another through the unbearable and came out the other side and you still managed to remind each other what it is to laugh.
I entered 2017 on a slice of hospital and will be ending 2017 on a slice of hospital. Two slices of slightly stale bread, with 365 layers of much of the same crap in between. I want to be optimistic. I want to look back on this year and say that I reached some goals, did some things to make myself proud, got stronger and healthier, perhaps learned to love myself a little bit more. It didn’t turn out to be that way, as, I guess, sometimes these things don’t. Don’t get me wrong, in some ways this year was great. In one way, it was the best of my life. On balance? Put it this way, 2018 already has a head start.
So here's the thing with Eating Disorders. They don't want to be discovered. They want to hide in the corners of your mind, taunting you, whispering to you, judging you, dictating to you, and, most importantly, making sure you keep their secret- because once that secret gets out there is no going back.
Sometimes I think of my energy as being divided between two jars of sand- there are people who with every negative comment, snide remark about someone else, or a constant string of ‘cant’s’ take a grain of sand from my Positive Jar and transfer them to my Negative Jar. Then, there are the second kind of people, the ones who with every good intention, encouraging words or general comments about the beauty of the world who take a grain of sand with each positive comment from my Negative Jar and gift them to my Positive Jar.
I am Clodagh.
I am a yogi, an entrepreneur, a feminist, a teacher and a writer.
I am pro-choice, pro-democracy and pro-pineapple on pizza.
I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a niece and a cousin, a friend and a confidant.
I am a gym lover; a squatting, lifting, running, jumping, pushing, pulling, fitness freak.
I like the smell of old books, good Rioja, the thrum of jazz, incense and fairy lights.
I am many things. One of which, is an Anorexic.