HSE: Help? [try] Somewhere Else

HSE: Help? [try] Somewhere Else

I’m not a proper grown-up- I don’t have things like a mortgage, maturity or health insurance.

I will trill out the party-line; “I am blessed to live in a country that has free healthcare.” Sure, aren’t there women in America giving birth on the doorsteps of hospitals for the want of health insurance? Feel free to continue adding to this sentiment for as long as you please.

I may not be a proper grown-up that has health insurance, but I am a proper grown-up that’s worked and paid taxes from the age of sixteen. Apparently, those taxes pay for things like state pensions, government chauffeurs and our public health care system.

Narcolepsy- And Why I Thought I Had Psychosis

Narcolepsy- And Why I Thought I Had Psychosis

When your reality is punctuated with things that only you can see or hear, you irrefutably jump to the obvious and worst possible conclusion. Well, sometimes the obvious conclusion is not actually the correct conclusion at all. Sometimes, you hear hoof prints and it really is the zebra.

2017; The Year of theSandwich

2017; The Year of theSandwich

I entered 2017 on a slice of hospital and will be ending 2017 on a slice of hospital. Two slices of slightly stale bread, with 365 layers of much of the same crap in between. I want to be optimistic. I want to look back on this year and say that I reached some goals, did some things to make myself proud, got stronger and healthier, perhaps learned to love myself a little bit more. It didn’t turn out to be that way, as, I guess, sometimes these things don’t. Don’t get me wrong, in some ways this year was great. In one way, it was the best of my life. On balance? Put it this way, 2018 already has a head start.

Eating Disorders; The Top 5 Things You NEED to Know

Eating Disorders; The Top 5 Things You NEED to Know

Unpacking Eating Disorders; The Top 5 Things You Need to Know

Peer Support- Yay or Nay?

Peer Support- Yay or Nay?

Peer Support Groups- a glorified bitching session or a viable support source?

Honesty Post

Honesty Post

Am I the only person affected by an eating disorder that struggles this badly?

My story is not following my scripted arc; does this invalidate my experience?

Are positive stories with perfect outcomes the only ones worth sharing?

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2017

National Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2017

It is important to remember that an eating disorder is not a diet- it is an illness. Someone who hates themselves, hates the way they look, feels unfit to show themselves in public, feels disgust and shame at the natural cravings of their human body, no longer has the perspective to see what they really look like,  place little to no value on things outside of their weight and food, and live in constant pain, suffering from chronic cold, poor circulation, dizziness, fatigue and mental sluggishness, did not choose this life. It starts with a diet, but no one imagines looking a year down the line and seeing someone they don't even recognise. An eating disorder is not a choice- it is a leech. It sticks to you, sucking everything from you, mind and body until you have nothing left.

In the Garden of Memory, in the Palace of Dreams...

In the Garden of Memory, in the Palace of Dreams...

What do you do to grieve three losses at once, and all of them so different? Over the last few days I've lain in silence and put my hand on my heart, waiting to feel it beating, and, of course, it is, always. I'm still here. But they are gone and they are not coming back. They. are. not. coming. back.