Yin is the counterpart to Yang. Yin and Yang have been used by Chinese Taoist scholars for thousands of years to explain the duality of life and the world around us. They are complimentary (rather than opposing) forces, two halves of the same coin, each side having a little bit of itself in the other. That is what the symbol represents; the two semi-circles, one black one white, symbolise Yin and Yang, and the dot of the opposite colour in each side represents the fact that in any situation there is always a need for a little bit of both. Together, Yin and Yang represent a dynamic whole, more powerful than each of its parts alone.
Shit happens. You don’t have to suffer because of it.
Just 6 days ago, the Irish Times published a poll in which only 44% were in support of the Yes campaign, while a close 32% were in support of No. A huge 17% were still unsure, while 5 % said they will not vote, and 2% refused to answer. The margins are very slim.
The friends you make in hospital, if you do make a true friend, are the sort of people that will stay with you for life. They are people that have been by your side through the darkest of days. They are the people you soldiered with, that you battled in the trenches of life with and fought for survival every day with. They picked you up when you faltered, and you them, you supported one another through the unbearable and came out the other side and you still managed to remind each other what it is to laugh.
It’s NEDAW once again and I can’t believe it has been a year already since the last one. Life is ever changing and with it, my eating disorder
3-Star, worth a go!
Can you be surprised by the fact that you have an eating disorder? Can you be surprised by the fact that despite having had two eating-disorder unit admissions, you have relapsed? Yes. Yes you can. And it’s shit.
I’m not a proper grown-up- I don’t have things like a mortgage, maturity or health insurance.
I will trill out the party-line; “I am blessed to live in a country that has free healthcare.” Sure, aren’t there women in America giving birth on the doorsteps of hospitals for the want of health insurance? Feel free to continue adding to this sentiment for as long as you please.
I may not be a proper grown-up that has health insurance, but I am a proper grown-up that’s worked and paid taxes from the age of sixteen. Apparently, those taxes pay for things like state pensions, government chauffeurs and our public health care system.
When your reality is punctuated with things that only you can see or hear, you irrefutably jump to the obvious and worst possible conclusion. Well, sometimes the obvious conclusion is not actually the correct conclusion at all. Sometimes, you hear hoof prints and it really is the zebra.
I entered 2017 on a slice of hospital and will be ending 2017 on a slice of hospital. Two slices of slightly stale bread, with 365 layers of much of the same crap in between. I want to be optimistic. I want to look back on this year and say that I reached some goals, did some things to make myself proud, got stronger and healthier, perhaps learned to love myself a little bit more. It didn’t turn out to be that way, as, I guess, sometimes these things don’t. Don’t get me wrong, in some ways this year was great. In one way, it was the best of my life. On balance? Put it this way, 2018 already has a head start.
Unpacking Eating Disorders; The Top 5 Things You Need to Know
Peer Support Groups- a glorified bitching session or a viable support source?
Am I the only person affected by an eating disorder that struggles this badly?
My story is not following my scripted arc; does this invalidate my experience?
Are positive stories with perfect outcomes the only ones worth sharing?
It is important to remember that an eating disorder is not a diet- it is an illness. Someone who hates themselves, hates the way they look, feels unfit to show themselves in public, feels disgust and shame at the natural cravings of their human body, no longer has the perspective to see what they really look like, place little to no value on things outside of their weight and food, and live in constant pain, suffering from chronic cold, poor circulation, dizziness, fatigue and mental sluggishness, did not choose this life. It starts with a diet, but no one imagines looking a year down the line and seeing someone they don't even recognise. An eating disorder is not a choice- it is a leech. It sticks to you, sucking everything from you, mind and body until you have nothing left.
What do you do to grieve three losses at once, and all of them so different? Over the last few days I've lain in silence and put my hand on my heart, waiting to feel it beating, and, of course, it is, always. I'm still here. But they are gone and they are not coming back. They. are. not. coming. back.
One of the magical powers all those who suffer with an eating disorder possess is that we genuinely believe we are different to everyone else. Not in a superior way, but in some way we are just not like other people. Other people need to eat. Other people would get sick and die if they didn't eat, but we're just not like that. We're different.
This is a poem for Paula.
Be at peace, friend.
Of course I received some negative comments, however, the purpose of this blog post is to celebrate and salute the many, many people who have sent me beautiful messages of encouragement, who have gone out of their way to wish me well and tell me to keep going. Some of them were from people I knew, some were from students of mine, most were from absolute strangers.
“We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
Pro-Ana. Thinspo. The Cult of Thin.
Ó Faoláin; from Faol, the old Irish word for wolf.
Of the Wolf.
Chakras? How many calories are in them? Are they carbs? I have to check if they fit my macros.
So here's the thing with Eating Disorders. They don't want to be discovered. They want to hide in the corners of your mind, taunting you, whispering to you, judging you, dictating to you, and, most importantly, making sure you keep their secret- because once that secret gets out there is no going back.
Sometimes I think of my energy as being divided between two jars of sand- there are people who with every negative comment, snide remark about someone else, or a constant string of ‘cant’s’ take a grain of sand from my Positive Jar and transfer them to my Negative Jar. Then, there are the second kind of people, the ones who with every good intention, encouraging words or general comments about the beauty of the world who take a grain of sand with each positive comment from my Negative Jar and gift them to my Positive Jar.
Let’s actually take a look at this. I’ve been talking about my experiences over the last 10 days, but haven’t actually gotten down and dirty with the reality of what exactly Anorexia Nervosa is. So, knowledge is power, what exactly is Anorexia Nervosa?
“I have had to experience so much stupidity, so many vices, so much error, so much nausea, disillusionment and sorrow, just in order to become a child again and begin anew. I had to experience despair, I had to sink to the greatest mental depths, to thoughts of suicide, in order to experience grace.”
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
"Speaking with Áine today made me realise that I had reverted once again to using food as a coping mechanism, as my safety net in a world where I was in freefall."
I am Clodagh.
I am a yogi, an entrepreneur, a feminist, a teacher and a writer.
I am pro-choice, pro-democracy and pro-pineapple on pizza.
I am a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a niece and a cousin, a friend and a confidant.
I am a gym lover; a squatting, lifting, running, jumping, pushing, pulling, fitness freak.
I like the smell of old books, good Rioja, the thrum of jazz, incense and fairy lights.
I am many things. One of which, is an Anorexic.
Ok, so first of all, what the hell is matcha?
Essentially, matcha is green tea, however, it’s not processed, prepared or drank in the way normal tea would be. Rather than the tea leaves being diced, put in a bag (or kept loose), stewed and removed from the water, matcha is kept whole and you consume the entire leaf. The leaf, or just the tips of the leaves in the highest quality products, are ground into an extremely fine powder with a consistency not too dissimilar to cacao powder. This powder is then mixed with water and consumed entirely. It can be drank cold, added to a bottle of water and shaken up or prepared with boiling water and drank as a hot tea drink
I had always been a fan of photographer, Roger Kenny. While working as an actor, I dreamt of headshots from the Portrait Room, Roger’s studio. Even after taking my hiatus from the world of acting, I still loved following Roger’s work. I also loved his eye, his style, the general vibe that came from his work, its’ ability to draw you in in a way that an image via a point-and-press-photographer just doesn’t. His photos are not just something you look at, they evoke a feeling, and they emanate a real inner life that’s tangible to the viewer. His subjects always look beautiful, not models standing for their portrait but real, sparkling, complicated, beautiful and terrible, authentic people that don’t just laugh and smile and embrace, but cry and scream and hurt, too.